The Chain of Unforgiveness
One of the members of our church, Rachel Kruger, taught on the chain of unforgiveness this past Sunday. She was excited to teach on it because, she said, “I know what it’s like to be unforgiving and then find that freedom in forgiveness…not just in Christ forgiving me but in forgiving other people.”
She said that when we start to change things in our life, naturally-speaking, it’s better and easier to concentrate on the things we should do rather than the things we have been doing that we need to stop doing. “Romans 6:6 says our old man is dead; so, if I want to think about what the new man is doing, I’m not about to go ask a corpse for advice on what I need to do.”
What is Forgiveness?
The definition for forgiveness is the “intentional and voluntary process of by which one who may initially feel victimized undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance.”
Psychology Today’s definition is “the release of resentment or anger to be willing and able to respond to what’s happening in the present moment and not react through the lens of anger and reason and resentment, letting go of the residue of the past.” It’s also to stop feeling anger toward and to stop blaming.
Forgiveness is a conscious decision; it’s voluntary. It’s letting go of hurt. Forgiveness is freedom and it’s active. Remember that James 2:14-26 reminds us that faith without works is dead; forgiveness without action is dead as well.
Forgiveness is releasing a victim mentality (seeing yourself as a victim all the time, whether you actually are or not). When you have that mentality, it completely takes away the power that God has given you. It’s showing grace and mercy; it’s sometimes difficult, but is always possible. You’ve seen examples of this when the parents of a murdered child look at the murderer and tell them, “We forgive you.” That shows that God’s power really is active in them.
How Does Unforgiveness Begin?
Unforgiveness so many times begins as something super teeny tiny small; something hits you sideways and starts a little bit of a “rub.” Instead of dealing with it, you push it away; yet, you still have this little annoyance. The problem is that if you don’t deal with it, it festers.
It’s like a shoe that doesn’t fit right: It rubs and rubs until you get a blister. If you don’t take care of it, it makes a callous. When you don’t deal with the annoyance or irritation, it starts to turn into an offense and frustration. You start looking at that person and seeing other things that annoy you, confirming your offense…and that turns into unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness can turn into bitterness which starts affecting your whole life.
Why are We Reluctant to Forgive?
It can be painful to walk through the process of forgiveness. We might have a strong sense of “justice”: “I always thought, ‘They did me wrong; I’m not going to forgive them.’ It was payback for me; that’s their punishment. I’m not going to give my forgiveness to them.”
It can feel like a fortress of safety. When we’re offended, a lot of times we want to just put that offense around us because it feels safe. “I don’t want to get hurt again so I’m just going to remove myself and stay inside this little fortress of unforgiveness. What we don’t realize is that this is actually hurting us and preventing us from doing what God has called us to do.”
Sometimes we don’t forgive because the other people don’t say they’re sorry and change their behavior. They don’t need to. We’re responsible for us, not them.
The problem with all these “reasons” is they’re all emotional reason. And if those emotions don’t line up with the Word of God and what your spirit says, they’re not right. Emotions are meant to be gauges, not guides.
“This is what I think the real reason we don’t forgive is: We haven’t truly begun to grasp the love of God either for us or beyond ourselves (other people),” she said.
Why Should I Forgive?
Plainly put, because God says so.
“Be inspired by kindness and compassion; your forgiving one another when you might feel irritated and frustrated demonstrates the way God graciously treated us in Christ.” – EPHESIANS 4:32 (MIRROR)
We should forgive because it’s for our own good. God doesn’t tell us things “just because”. It’s because all kinds of yucky things happen from unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness will chain you and seep into every area of your life.
“26 Even if you think you have a valid excuse, do not let anger dominate your day! If you don’t deal with it immediately (in the light of the likeness of Christ in you) the sun sets for you and your day becomes one of lost opportunity where darkness employs anger to snare you into sin. 27 Any sin that you tolerate is an open invitation to the devil. Do not give him a platform to operate from.” – EPHESIANS 4:26-27 (MIRROR)
Don’t give the devil an invitation! Instead, forgive!
Watch the March 13, 2022 service on which this post is based: CLICK HERE.
